Over my life and career, I've seen it time and time again where people set out to make a change in their life, whether it be wanting to improve their diet, trying to get more sleep, wanting to choose healthier relationships or deciding to go to the gym.
There is a big difference between wanting to make a change and actionably making a change. They say what you say about yourself is a reflection of what you want to be and what you actually do is a reflection of who you are.
No doubt the people spoken about above wanted to make a change and liked the idea of themselves achieving the end result of the goal, such as being healthier or happier. But just how much they actually wanted the change determined a whole lot of how many of these people actually followed through with the change by actionable steps followed by maintenance.
How much you want the change can be translated into what level you are in the 'Wheel of Change' which in turn indicates if that change will stick.
I'd like to introduce you to a model which simply maps out the stages someone could possibly go through when making a change.
It's important to note that not everybody goes through this cycle in a orderly fashion, some go from 'pre-contemplating' to 'contemplating' and back and forth. It's common to go through the cycle and end on 'relapse' aka going back to an old habit you're trying to shake. Making a change stick means you would exit the cycle before the 'Relapse' stage.
Don't beat yourself up about not completing the cycle step by step and exiting before 'relapse'- it can be a positive thing if you learn from your mistake and sometimes it can motivate you that bit more to make the change a lasting one as you are so certain you don't want to back to that old habit again. It could take one try it could take a few or even 10 tries. The main thing is you are aware of what happened and you learn each time.
As you can see, it isn't just the steps you takes to make the change, it's the consistent action you repeat to maintain that new change. Eventually, that change turns into a habit..down the track it becomes so automated and apart of everyday life, just as we get so familair with the steps of walking or talking- there doesn't have to be any form of motivation or planning to carry out this task.
So next time you're wondering why you seem to be going back and forth between making a change and going back to old ways, stop and think- how important is this goal to me? What is my desired outcome for this goal and how will that impact my life? What will my life be like in the future if I don't make this change? Am I willing to go through the stages involved to turn this change into a lifestyle?
Remember, be kind to yourself- life's a journey and without struggle there would be no growth!
With love,
Jacqui Zdravkovski
Reference- Photo: www.psychologytools.org